Theft of energy or relational vampire

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  By Simina Missimo

The other day I was asked for explanations about the phenomenon known as “energy theft” or “relational energy vampire”. Here is a brief description, an example and some guidelines I’m convinced that some of you will use.
Our personal relationships are our inexhaustible set of tests and also deep understanding lessons. Maybe nothing more than a relationship asks us generosity and wisdom – a romantic, professional, friendly relationship – anything that involves face-to-face with someone. But any personal relationship involves us at all levels: physical, emotional, mental, energetically, spiritual.
Interaction at the energy level is rarely acknowledged.  Although there is always an energy exchange between us and those around us, which may take the more dramatic forms, the more deeply when we are involved in a relationship. But a massive energy exchange can be clearly incidental and happens for a very short time. Unfortunately, more often that is in not of both parties advantage.
We were never taught the art to relate constructively. Nobody explained to us what happens when two human beings get connected and that the subtle shifts occur before the first handshake, before the first smile or frown glance.
First of all, two people establish the first contact in a subtle, energetically way. Even if far away, the mere thought turned to one person can put us in touch with him/her energetically. And this connection, even looks ineffable and with lack of consistency creates or strengthens a possible relationship matrix. Through the subtle channels we can predetermine a relationship story.
Because there is always an energy flow between us and those around us, every emotion, gesture, word, action or attitude is translated into energy which comes to us or/and is issued by us.
When we have a discomfort we lose energy, and when we are satisfied  we gain energy.
How we lose energy  in a conflictual situation?
In a conflict, the anxiety we experience is disturbing our energetical field. Depending on the nature of the conflict (sentimental, value competition, professional competition, temperamental confrontation etc.) the “anchors” of these disorders get fixed in different parts of the energetical field. If the conflict is long maintained, there is a risk of materialization of the disease, our bodies suffering a chronic energy imbalance.
There are several ways well known as “energy theft”, thieves are often the close ones: parents, bosses, spouses, etc..
Stealing energy by:
– Criticism: we feel like being disabled, denying our value, rejecting the identity or our condition through gestures, words and our attitudes that are criticized – generates feelings of shame and regret that sabotage the self-esteem.
– Interdiction affects the freedom of expression, limits our expression, induces us a feeling of a danger to which we don’t agree that it exists denies the assertion of freedom of temperament, stops the free initiative.
– Interrogation: harasses through an indiscreet investigation which requires subordination by answer – any question induces pressure on response, creating the feeling of obligation to give satisfaction to other’s curiosity.
– Indifference: ignoring represents a subtle way for taking power by creating an “empty” presence while the other needs to fill it up showing interest for the other’s estate (the ignorant).
– Complaint: creates the rescue pressure, listening being a good form to offer energy; may suggest the responsibility or obligation of the listener to support or help the person who complains.
How can we defend the energy thieves?
First, let us not become the subject of the above attitudes. People around us get rarely aware that they energetically harass the peoples next to them by their behaviour. Often the parents boast their children energy unwittingly. That does not mean just to stop correcting your child when he goofs. But to know how to do it without inducing to the child negative feelings.
In love often we cede energy without to be asked to do so. It is not the other’ s  responsibility for the fact that I placed at his/her disposal a considerable amount of my strength and vitality. He/she does not even realize, then, that he has it and feels well. It is our responsibility to learn to maintain the integrity of our energy. When we lose our tone without anyone aggressing us? For example, when we, chilly, expect someone to come after several hours of delay. Waiting time has spent our energy. Then we try to recover it. How? By the above mentioned methods: interrogation, indifference, complaint. Even if we are justified in asking explanations, the attitude we have is important. But we cannot have a constructive attitude in our heart if we feel used, removed, ignored, rejected or denied (and how we might feel differently when our state depends on the amount of appreciation and attention received from the partner?). Our tone will reflect fear or anger. And this unconstructive attitude is in turn an energetically attack against the other, it indicates how we operate in relationship, our position at that time. Normally, the other one will defend him/herself by attacking or ignoring us.
And it all started … from the way we have interpreted the delay – translating it into attack to us, disregard, lack of love. The meaning that we gave to the other’s gesture creates a scenario in our mind. Waiting chilly amplifies this scenario. And as lovers are connected by invisible threads, most likely one partner will feel the tension created even before meeting the other one. Perhaps without realizing it, he/she will postpone the moment of returning home or to arrive at meeting place (although he/she loves the waiting person) experiencing an unexplained irritation. And the game can go on by arguing, accusations, indifference, regret.

Where can we take the energy from without making “vampirism” to others?
 Everyone is born with enough energy in order to live. But sometimes if we allow ourselves the “luxury” of wasting it in conflicts, emotions or negative thoughts, we must learn how to generate (gain) the energy we need instead.
-annihilating the tendencies to depend on the appreciation and attention from others;

-the pray, meditation;

– Joy: it is a huge source of energy – laughter, serenity, calm contentment of our life always gives us vitality;

– Exuberance, excitement and incitement of the good meetings, inspiring projects, events that animate ourselves;

– Love, the purest and highest form of energy, with the most creative power;

-Forgiveness for our aggressors without judging and condemn them;

– Generosity: the act of devotion, of communion created by offering; it brings us back immediately (through the joy of one who receives) the energy which we gave and some extra (because of the happiness we have created)!

This shows how important it is to thank when we have been helped and also to help when a person has made the desire to get help (verbal or else) otherwise is not generated an authentic response of gratitude, the gratitude is not useful for the donor’s pride but it’s worthy for the one who receives it with humility.

You can contact  Simina Missimo in the emal : missis7002@yahoo.com